engl 102 final portfolio revision of some work reflection

– Revise 3 project (all numbered in the Projects That Needs to Be Revised doc) using the comments for each below.

– Revise the reflection (in the Midterm Portfolio doc) using the comment in the Midterm Portfolio Comments doc. Especialy the ones in red and focus in this comment: it’s one thing to tell me what you learned, but it’s another to show me, and that involves pointing out 1) what your revisions are, 2) why you made them, and 3) how they affected your writing.

– I will add my midterm portfolio just in case you want to have a look at it.

– Project #3 Research Proposal: My biggest suggestion is to split up the literature review into a couple paragraphs. A full page paragraph is often difficult for readers to get through (not impossible, of course, but it’s easier to remember information when you have small bits focused on one idea), and you’ll want to encourage your audience to keep reading.

I also had a suggestion about your survey questions. In them, you’ve got a question about whether they have Facebook, but your proposal is focused on social media in general. Maybe you could rephrase the question to first ask if they have social media? And if they do, provide a write-in option where they specify what platform they use?

– Project #4 Research Paper: I have a couple of suggestions. I liked the way you broke down individual effects of social media, but I couldn’t tell if they were intended to show how social media leads to depression. Making the link clearer is a good place to start.

One way to do this would be to introduce depression and mental illness like you did social media–there, you could describe things that lead to declining mental health and then show how social media instills these things in people.

– Project #5 Editorial: I like the way you structured your editorial–adding the title + author/date line was a good idea. I like your call to action–suggesting online support is an interesting approach, and you certainly have the research background to suggest it.

However, there are a few points where I think a content change is necessary. My biggest suggestion is reorganization. Your argument is that excessive social media use leads to increased risk of mental illness, but your call to action suggests using safe platforms to cope with mental illness. Though I see your point, the call to action doesn’t follow the argument structure you’ve used so far–it seems to run counter to the point of your article. Maybe instead of outlining how social media can cause mental illness, you reference the trend but spend your focus on describing what you mean by safe platforms and expand on this idea of coping through online support.

 

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